A Professional Parent?

As a teenager I always wanted to work with kids. I essentially grew up at summer camp and ended up working at one. This, I thought, was my calling. So in 1999, after high school I registered for the Child and Youth Worker diploma program in college. 5 semesters in to a 6 semester program and I was having doubts. I was struggling through a placement where I thought my supervisor was the biggest B**** I had ever met and I had developed a fear that if I spent all day with someone Else's kids I would not want to spend the rest of the time with my own. As we all know, Kids are exhausting! I decided that I would likely not take this career path but at least my three years of school and countless years of experience would make me a perfect, essentially professional, parent. If I could handle children and teenagers with ADD, Autism, FAS, and countless other mental health issues then surely I can handle perfectly normal, healthy babies, toddlers, preschoolers, children, turn teenagers, right? WRONG! I have learned that nothing prepares you for parenting your own offspring! and I am only at the beginning of the preschooler stage!

Everyone told me that the threes were so much worse than the twos. In hindsight, the twos weren't that bad for us but Anna definitely tested my limits and patience. I thought "phewf, I survived!" I had no idea the three's would be an even bigger test of my limits and patience! Yesterday, I sat in the playroom with a cup of tea and lots of tears. I had to cancel a haircut for Anna because while Max and I sat with out coats on at the door, Anna ran around the house in her underwear. This was just one of many "moments" during the day and only one of many "moments" when Anna has refused to go or come anywhere with me. She certainly is a stubborn woman. Hmmmm, I wonder where that comes from?


What brought me to tears yesterday was not her actions because I do know she is only three and just learning how to be her own independant self but rather my inability to deal with the situation without losing my temper. Generally I am good at remaining calm but lately I have been losing my mind with the fact that I cannot reason with a three year old. I am unproud to admit that I have raised my voice so loud she has cried. I have gotten so frustrated with being unable to just talk my way out of any episode with her. I have even stooped to the level of bribery but that, unfortunately, doesn't even work anymore. When It comes to getting out the door, either of our house, preschool, the store, or cheeky monkeys, I either have to play the "ok, I'll leave without you" card, or carry her kicking and screaming. I often feel the eyes burning through my head as I leave her alone in public (safely of course) or carry her screaming body, or yell at her sternly about her behaviour. These issues combined with Max's poor sleeping and my frustration towards him at night make me feel like a bad parent and especially a bad child and youth worker.

Yesterday I finally realized why this was all bothering me so much. I looked at it from the perspective that Dentists should have perfect teeth, Accountants should have perfect finances, Child and Youth Workers should have perfect kids. Then I was reminded that many accountants commit fraud and isn't it always the preachers kid that ends up drunk at a party?! And lets not forget the law-abiding law enforcement officers we hear about. lol.


So I start over. I stop seeing Max and Anna as "clients". I stop trying to fix all of Anna's preschooler behaviours. I stop trying to solve Max's sleep issues. I start going with the flow. I start seeing them as the perfectly normal, healthy children that they are. I start being the loving parent I know I am. I stop trying to be a perfect, professional parent and just be the best mom I can be to my wonderful kids!

3 years down!

Today is a special day! Today is the anniversary of the day my life changed. Today is Annabelle's 3rd birthday! I cannot believe my princess is 3.

Annabelle March, 2008!


Annabelle March, 2011


Yesterday morning I dropped Anna off at my parents house for a sleep over. This meant that I had 2 days by myself with Max. Now I know that having a baby is tough stuff but it is a holiday compared to having a preschooler. Yup I said it, Anna is officially a preschooler!Max and I went on a lunch date, I cleaned the inside of my car, I watched something on TV other than Dora or Ariel, I went to the mall with a child who sat quietly in a stroller. I kindof remembered what my life was like 3 years ago. And while I enjoyed the opportunity to complete some tasks without preschooler "help", I also realized that my life was boring without her.

So today on her 3rd birthday I look back on the past three years. I remember how Anna has changed from a helpless newborn who needed me to provide her every necessity of life to an amazingly vocal and independant three year old who goes to the bathroom by herself and gets her own snacks. A beautiful young girl who goes to preschool and has learned to colour a picture not just scribble on a page.

I have enjoyed watching Anna grow and learn. Helping her develop her skills is my greatest accomplishment. Today I remember her infant and toddler years and look ahead to the years to come.

Happy 3rd Birthday Annabelle! Mommy Loves you!

For the love of Kids.

Today I did something that 5 years ago I never thought I would ever have to do. I pulled poop out of my sons bum! Yup, its true, pulled his legs up to his chest, massaged his abdomen and slowly pulled a turd out of his bum. Why did I do this you may ask? Because He is my son, I love him, and he was uncomfortable. Even sadder is that this was not the first time I have ever done this. Last year my 2 year old, crawled in to her bed before bath (naked) and appeared as though she was going to sleep until I looked closer and what I thought was sleepy eyes was actually squinting, trying to poop eyes. I turned her over and saw a log that was at least the diameter of a loonie stuck in her bum. This was when i learned the art of massaging poop out of a bum. I had success and a very happy girl.

So why am I sharing all this information? Because its important for all people who plan on having kids to realize that with kids, comes poop and barf and many other gross things that without kids, you would never come in contact with. I remember an incident that occurred years before having kids in which my Sister in law was staying with us and her youngest who was about 18 months at the time was very constipated. So constipated that she was getting sick. Sparing you of details, I will just say that it ended with her pooping, barfing, and peeing all at the same time all over her mom and my brand new beige couch. As a person who loves kids, especially my family, I was not even close to mad but I was naive into thinking this would never be something I would ever have to deal with.

A few months ago, on my anniversary, to be exact, I posted on Facebook that I was covered in baby barf and it smelled awful. A lovely old college friend suggested I change my shirt. I laughed. With 2 very pukey kids, I was very use to being covered in baby barf. So use to it that I only wore "good" clothes if I was going to see people and said "good" clothes were actually clothes that I didn't care if I ruined and definitely not anything that required hand washing. Hand wash only clothes were considered as sacred as a wedding dress to only be worn to something as special as my own wedding.

With baby M now in his 9th month (seriously, I know), I am happy to finally be moving to a less barfy life. However, today's incident reminded me that Just because that stage has passed a new gross one will start. With solid food comes constipation; With potty trained kids, comes bum wiping; With cold weather comes snot; With teething comes drool, with inevitable illness comes diarrhea and real people barf. And lets not forget with diapers and squirmy babies comes pee and poo.

With children comes never ending access to someone else's bodily fluids. Yahhhh!

Who's Child is this?

So today I had one of my scariest mom moments when I became "that mom" who lost her child in a store. We were happily playing in the childrens area and when I was getting ready to pack up and leave I realized she had left. I had just seen her pushing a stroller around and then she was gone. When I approached a group of staff right outside the entrance to the childrens area I must have appeared inappropriately calm but I was kindof in shock. Anna has always been such a great kid that I couldn't believe she had run away. Everyone within ear shot came running and started looking for her. This made me panic even more as I realized how dangerous this situation could be. Chapters is a HUGE store. When i saw the stroller she had been pushing sitting abandoned in an aisle my heart sank. this is what you see on TV when kids go missing. Then we heard from afar a loud "I found her". My dear friend, Anna's godmother, who I was with had located the rascal running through aisles of books playing her version of hide and seek, also known as lets see how scared my mommy can get before before she finds me. I ran up to her, tears welling up in my eyes and grabbed her in hopes of explaining the impact this situation had on me and all I got was screaming and squirms as she was clearly not finished with the game. I could feel the eyes burning through the back of my head and imagined people thinking that my child is out of control and I am a irresponsible mom.

The exact opposite is in fact true. My child is the most thoughtful, generous, polite, well behaved child I have ever encountered. Now granted, I could have kept a closer eye on her but her track record as a dream child is why I didn't. Pretty much the same reason why I lost my dog so many times, I trusted that he wouldn't run away and then he would. Apparently 3 year old are more like young labs that one would think.

This is the 3rd unproud moment Anna and I have had in a week. Last friday we met some friends at Cheeky Monkeys and all was well until it was time to leave. I ended up carrying her out in a tee-shirt kicking and screaming. This was the first time I actually used the dreaded mom line "I was so embarrased by your behaviour". I then spent the next hour analyzing my parenting and questioning how I handled the situation and how to better handle it when it happens again. Nothing makes you question your parenting more than a tantrum in front of other people.

I realize now that it isn't so much embarrassment as it is sadness. Sadness because people get the wrong impression of Anna and because I have to do some difficult parenting in front of people who may judge both of us. I know that 3 year olds are unpredictable and still kids, regardless of how well behaved they may be. I also know that parenting is not always sunshine and roses and that most moms may look at these situations with understanding rather than judgement. But it still makes me think Who's child is this? I want everyone to see my wonderful little human. Apparently even the most wonderful humans have their flaws and my daughters appears to be her stubbornness when it comes to getting what she wants. Hmmm, I wonder who she gets that from?

Anna and I:

OMG I am dating again!

Now that I have declared that, I must clarify before the rumour mill starts swirling with stories of my divorce. I am not dating men, I am still happily married. I have come to realize that I am dating moms! Let me Explain.

Last week I had a playdate with a girl that I met last summer. She has a daughter also named Anna and a son the same age as Max. I met her at a playdate thrown by a mutual friend. We became facebook friends not soon after that and have chatted on Facebook ever since. We decided last week to have a playdate with the mutual friend who introduced us and I can honestly say that when we first got together I had that new boyfriend nervous feeling which quickly passed as we engaged in Mom talk. Through this conversation we discovered that I am essentially dating mom's in an attempt to find my momfriend (my play on the word boyfriend)!

A year and a half ago, we moved to a new town which is about 45 minutes from Ottawa. I got pregnant almost immediately and was on Mat leave 9 months after moving here. I have a lot of friends who I love to see. Some are on mat leave themselves or stay at home moms but they live in the city. I make an effort to drive to the city and see them but it becomes an event with 2 kids and it usually means I have to sacrifice naptime as they sleep in the car. Therefore I am doing my best to meet new moms out here in the country. Which brings me to my dating!

My bestest friends from high school and our plethora of kids:

I never really dated boys. I went from one long relationship to my husband. I had a few dates in between but mostly with people who I was already friends with. I am now learning that dating is stressful and time consuming. So in my new dating now, I have traded bars and sporting events for playgrounds, skating rinks, and bookstores. I am on the hunt for someone who I have lots in common with, who has kids the same age as mine, and who doesn't already have their own momfriend. Shouldn't be hard to find right? Wrong! I have met many wonderful moms through Anna's school, At the playground, on my street, At the skating rink, even at Chapters but they either already have their own momfriend, live in the city, have older kids then mine, or we just didn't click on our (play)dates. I even did something I have never done before and gave my contact information to a mom I met at Chapters who is new to the area and lives in a neighbouring town but I am yet to get contacted. It appears I got rejected but I had to take a chance :(

I wonder if I will ever find my momfriend. In the book I am reading right now the mom talks about how she met her best friend while they were on Mat leave and I had my sigh moment as even the character in my book has a momfriend. Now for all reading I want to be sure to state that I enjoy the many friends I have made and will plan many more playdates for the next 5 months before heading back to work. But I think they would all agree, that while we are friends, some closer than others, we are not momfriend and momfriend (boyfriend and girlfriend, haha get it!)

15 lbs too heavy and still happy!

So all my posts have basically been about my kids. This one is ALL ABOUT ME! In my last post, I declared that I would lose 15 lbs! I stand by that and my husband has challenges me. He said that since I wrote it, I needed to do it! So here I go!

In 2005 I successfully completed weight watchers. Its a great program and if you stick to it, it can really work. it took me 3 months or so to lose 20 lbs and I kept it off for several months to become a life member. Unfortunately, I was super extreme and cut out anything with any ounce of badness in it so it was no surprise that I put some weight back on. After having Anna, i successfully did it again so i figure now I should jump on the bandwagon again. With the advice of a good virtual friend, I bought the App IWATCHR for my iphone. It eliminates the need of pen and paper for tracking food and, since I am very familiar with the program already, it eliminates the need to actually join and pay.

Anyways, for the past few weeks, I have really changed my eating habits. I also still go and see my personal trainer once a week which, while not really enough to drop several pounds a week, is enough to help my energy level, strength, and general well being. And let me tell you the effect that treating your body well can have on your mental and physical health.

We are almost through winter and I am yet to get sick! Knock on a million pieces of wood but its true, not even so much as a stuffy nose. My hair is nice and shiny and I feel so energized despite not getting a full nights sleep in almost a year. Despite, having 15 lbs to lose, bags under my eyes, and crazy stretch marks on my stomach, I feel good!

My husband and I were talking about why I haven't gotten sick yet this winter and he asked me if I am stressed and after thinking about it a bit, I said No. You know how they say laughter is the best medicine, well I think kids are the best prevention. Both my kids and my husband have gotten colds and yet I have managed to miss it (although after declaring that I am sure tomorrow I will be down and out). Despite my lack of sleep and the bad mommy days, I don't feel stressed at all. It seems that if I may be getting to my breaking point, Anna says something adorable or Max gives me a cute smile and I am back.

I am not exactly sure where this post is going, but my husband said last night that I needed to make one because he likes reading them. I am going to weigh myself tonight at my personal training session so i will update you next Tuesday after I weigh myself again. My goal is to lose at least 6-9 lbs by the time I go on my trip in February.

The lesson here is eat well, exercise even just a little and avoid stress for a happy healthier you!

I am a good mom!

Raising kids is the hardest thing I have ever done! it is also the most complicated thing I have ever done because everyone does it differently and everyone is sure that they way they are doing it is the right way. It has taken me 3 years to realize this but if kids are happy, safe, and healthy, then they are being raised right, regardless of how.

I have always been hard on myself about my parenting. I would constantly compare my kids development to that of other kids and my parenting to other moms. Anna didn't crawl for 10 months while her friends crawled around 6 or 7 months. I thought for sure it was my fault! I thought I had stalled her development because I didn't play with her enough. Well, I am happy to report that she now crawls and walks, rolls, jumps, runs, counts, sings, colours, says please and thank you and countless other wonderful things that kids her age should do. I am also happy to report that she can play independently by herself and sit through entire movies. Now before you all roll your eyes as me, i am well aware that she has flaws such as was mentioned in my past post and the fact that she takes several trips back to her bed before she goes to sleep. But all in all, I have come to realize that not only did I not break her, I actually made her stronger!

One of my facebook friends posted a link to this article: http://arts.nationalpost.com/2011/01/22/spoiled-vs-spoiled-the-parenting-debate/ and I realized that just because my infants sit in swings and play in exersaucers doesn't mean I am a bad parent and doesn't mean that I am unusual. They will also likely come home to an empty house as teenagers just as I did. The line in this article that really caught my attention was this:

So leaving the tot in another room becomes “unfair.” And once the baby has aged into a walking, talking child, is it any wonder that he’s grown so used to being the bull’s-eye of attention, that any style of parenting other than the kind that permanently hovers...becomes near impossible? The overparenting parent becomes a fait accompli.

My infants played or swung independently while I cooked and baked. My infants sat in carseats when they weren't in the car. My infants slept in cribs from birth. My infants cried as a way to learn to self sooth. And my infants were, and still are, very happy and very independant.

I have also become self conscious about the fact that I keep a house that is unusually clean given that I have 2 children. Much like some people would clean up for company, I have sometimes wanted to clean down so that my house reflects the fun we have in it. I have heard lately several friends make comments about their houses being messy and unkept but their kids being happy and played with. Almost like they feel the need to justify it (which you don't by the way) and they may be surprised to know that as a result they have given me the same feeling for the opposite reason. I have felt like a bad mom for folding laundry while helping Anna with a puzzle, or putting on a movie so i can clean the bathrooms, or teaching Anna that when you are finished you bring your plate to the table if you want dessert. When Anna sees me get out the broom and drops what she is doing so that she can "help mommy" it made me wonder if she thinks the only way she gets to spend time with me is by helping me with chores. It took me some reasoning within myself to realize that she is my daughter, with my genes and maybe she likes to clean. At her daycare they loved her because she was the only one who voluntarily helped clean up (that's my girl). I do something with my kids every day; We usually go on an outing, sometimes we stay home and craft or play with toys but for the record, to all my readers, I do not clean all day!

Anyways, I hope i didn't offend anyone, as that was exactly the point I was trying not to make. That everyone lives and parents different. There is no right or wrong method to parenting as long as kids are happy, healthy and safe.