A Professional Parent?

As a teenager I always wanted to work with kids. I essentially grew up at summer camp and ended up working at one. This, I thought, was my calling. So in 1999, after high school I registered for the Child and Youth Worker diploma program in college. 5 semesters in to a 6 semester program and I was having doubts. I was struggling through a placement where I thought my supervisor was the biggest B**** I had ever met and I had developed a fear that if I spent all day with someone Else's kids I would not want to spend the rest of the time with my own. As we all know, Kids are exhausting! I decided that I would likely not take this career path but at least my three years of school and countless years of experience would make me a perfect, essentially professional, parent. If I could handle children and teenagers with ADD, Autism, FAS, and countless other mental health issues then surely I can handle perfectly normal, healthy babies, toddlers, preschoolers, children, turn teenagers, right? WRONG! I have learned that nothing prepares you for parenting your own offspring! and I am only at the beginning of the preschooler stage!

Everyone told me that the threes were so much worse than the twos. In hindsight, the twos weren't that bad for us but Anna definitely tested my limits and patience. I thought "phewf, I survived!" I had no idea the three's would be an even bigger test of my limits and patience! Yesterday, I sat in the playroom with a cup of tea and lots of tears. I had to cancel a haircut for Anna because while Max and I sat with out coats on at the door, Anna ran around the house in her underwear. This was just one of many "moments" during the day and only one of many "moments" when Anna has refused to go or come anywhere with me. She certainly is a stubborn woman. Hmmmm, I wonder where that comes from?


What brought me to tears yesterday was not her actions because I do know she is only three and just learning how to be her own independant self but rather my inability to deal with the situation without losing my temper. Generally I am good at remaining calm but lately I have been losing my mind with the fact that I cannot reason with a three year old. I am unproud to admit that I have raised my voice so loud she has cried. I have gotten so frustrated with being unable to just talk my way out of any episode with her. I have even stooped to the level of bribery but that, unfortunately, doesn't even work anymore. When It comes to getting out the door, either of our house, preschool, the store, or cheeky monkeys, I either have to play the "ok, I'll leave without you" card, or carry her kicking and screaming. I often feel the eyes burning through my head as I leave her alone in public (safely of course) or carry her screaming body, or yell at her sternly about her behaviour. These issues combined with Max's poor sleeping and my frustration towards him at night make me feel like a bad parent and especially a bad child and youth worker.

Yesterday I finally realized why this was all bothering me so much. I looked at it from the perspective that Dentists should have perfect teeth, Accountants should have perfect finances, Child and Youth Workers should have perfect kids. Then I was reminded that many accountants commit fraud and isn't it always the preachers kid that ends up drunk at a party?! And lets not forget the law-abiding law enforcement officers we hear about. lol.


So I start over. I stop seeing Max and Anna as "clients". I stop trying to fix all of Anna's preschooler behaviours. I stop trying to solve Max's sleep issues. I start going with the flow. I start seeing them as the perfectly normal, healthy children that they are. I start being the loving parent I know I am. I stop trying to be a perfect, professional parent and just be the best mom I can be to my wonderful kids!

Who's Child is this?

So today I had one of my scariest mom moments when I became "that mom" who lost her child in a store. We were happily playing in the childrens area and when I was getting ready to pack up and leave I realized she had left. I had just seen her pushing a stroller around and then she was gone. When I approached a group of staff right outside the entrance to the childrens area I must have appeared inappropriately calm but I was kindof in shock. Anna has always been such a great kid that I couldn't believe she had run away. Everyone within ear shot came running and started looking for her. This made me panic even more as I realized how dangerous this situation could be. Chapters is a HUGE store. When i saw the stroller she had been pushing sitting abandoned in an aisle my heart sank. this is what you see on TV when kids go missing. Then we heard from afar a loud "I found her". My dear friend, Anna's godmother, who I was with had located the rascal running through aisles of books playing her version of hide and seek, also known as lets see how scared my mommy can get before before she finds me. I ran up to her, tears welling up in my eyes and grabbed her in hopes of explaining the impact this situation had on me and all I got was screaming and squirms as she was clearly not finished with the game. I could feel the eyes burning through the back of my head and imagined people thinking that my child is out of control and I am a irresponsible mom.

The exact opposite is in fact true. My child is the most thoughtful, generous, polite, well behaved child I have ever encountered. Now granted, I could have kept a closer eye on her but her track record as a dream child is why I didn't. Pretty much the same reason why I lost my dog so many times, I trusted that he wouldn't run away and then he would. Apparently 3 year old are more like young labs that one would think.

This is the 3rd unproud moment Anna and I have had in a week. Last friday we met some friends at Cheeky Monkeys and all was well until it was time to leave. I ended up carrying her out in a tee-shirt kicking and screaming. This was the first time I actually used the dreaded mom line "I was so embarrased by your behaviour". I then spent the next hour analyzing my parenting and questioning how I handled the situation and how to better handle it when it happens again. Nothing makes you question your parenting more than a tantrum in front of other people.

I realize now that it isn't so much embarrassment as it is sadness. Sadness because people get the wrong impression of Anna and because I have to do some difficult parenting in front of people who may judge both of us. I know that 3 year olds are unpredictable and still kids, regardless of how well behaved they may be. I also know that parenting is not always sunshine and roses and that most moms may look at these situations with understanding rather than judgement. But it still makes me think Who's child is this? I want everyone to see my wonderful little human. Apparently even the most wonderful humans have their flaws and my daughters appears to be her stubbornness when it comes to getting what she wants. Hmmm, I wonder who she gets that from?

Anna and I:

OMG I am dating again!

Now that I have declared that, I must clarify before the rumour mill starts swirling with stories of my divorce. I am not dating men, I am still happily married. I have come to realize that I am dating moms! Let me Explain.

Last week I had a playdate with a girl that I met last summer. She has a daughter also named Anna and a son the same age as Max. I met her at a playdate thrown by a mutual friend. We became facebook friends not soon after that and have chatted on Facebook ever since. We decided last week to have a playdate with the mutual friend who introduced us and I can honestly say that when we first got together I had that new boyfriend nervous feeling which quickly passed as we engaged in Mom talk. Through this conversation we discovered that I am essentially dating mom's in an attempt to find my momfriend (my play on the word boyfriend)!

A year and a half ago, we moved to a new town which is about 45 minutes from Ottawa. I got pregnant almost immediately and was on Mat leave 9 months after moving here. I have a lot of friends who I love to see. Some are on mat leave themselves or stay at home moms but they live in the city. I make an effort to drive to the city and see them but it becomes an event with 2 kids and it usually means I have to sacrifice naptime as they sleep in the car. Therefore I am doing my best to meet new moms out here in the country. Which brings me to my dating!

My bestest friends from high school and our plethora of kids:

I never really dated boys. I went from one long relationship to my husband. I had a few dates in between but mostly with people who I was already friends with. I am now learning that dating is stressful and time consuming. So in my new dating now, I have traded bars and sporting events for playgrounds, skating rinks, and bookstores. I am on the hunt for someone who I have lots in common with, who has kids the same age as mine, and who doesn't already have their own momfriend. Shouldn't be hard to find right? Wrong! I have met many wonderful moms through Anna's school, At the playground, on my street, At the skating rink, even at Chapters but they either already have their own momfriend, live in the city, have older kids then mine, or we just didn't click on our (play)dates. I even did something I have never done before and gave my contact information to a mom I met at Chapters who is new to the area and lives in a neighbouring town but I am yet to get contacted. It appears I got rejected but I had to take a chance :(

I wonder if I will ever find my momfriend. In the book I am reading right now the mom talks about how she met her best friend while they were on Mat leave and I had my sigh moment as even the character in my book has a momfriend. Now for all reading I want to be sure to state that I enjoy the many friends I have made and will plan many more playdates for the next 5 months before heading back to work. But I think they would all agree, that while we are friends, some closer than others, we are not momfriend and momfriend (boyfriend and girlfriend, haha get it!)

What are the odds.

This is just a quick story that I was reminded about and thought was worth sharing. It is proof that a) it really is a small world and b)...weirdness can happen.

When i gave birth to Annabelle, I had a joint room in the mom and baby unit while I waited for a private room. I had no idea who my roommate was as we both kept the curtains closed. However, I had some dear friends from high school visit me who recognized her as a girl we went to high school with. It appears we gave birth on the same day and then shared a room. interesting coincidence.

We had our first kids on the same day.

I ran into this girl in Ikea about a month ago. She was someone that in high school I don't think I ever spoke to because we were in different grades and ran with different social circles. However, given the interesting coincidence of before I figured I would say hello. We got to talking and realized that we each had a second child less than a week apart. Another interesting coincidence.

Our second kids, born less than a week apart, are both boys named Max.

huhhh, what are the odds.

The Power of Words

I love music! I love music I can sing to, dance to, and most of all relate to.

There are numerous songs out there I love and that I when I listen to them I think they were written for me (not for real real). but a few are on my ipod as comfort songs that I listen to when I need to remember someone or something or when I just need to escape to the past or a favorite memory. Such songs include "The house that built me" by Miranda Lambert, and "Brand New Day" by Joshua Radin. "Tough Little boys" by Gary Allen which is how I always felt about my dad and of course "feels like Home" by Chantal Kreviazuk, which was the song I walked down the aisle to because it expressed how I felt perfectly. These are songs I often play on repeat.

But a few have "hit home" more than others...

I remember driving to work only a few months after my dad passed away and I heard Crystal Shawanda's "You can Let go now", I instantly thought it was a beautiful song and was sad that i would not get to use it as my father daughter song for my wedding. Then the song got to the third verse and I was transformed into a bawling mess. Not quite the father daughter song I initially thought it was. However, It turned out to be exactly the most perfect song for me to relate to. It seemed as though the writer was in the room the night my dad passed away. If you want to know what went down that night, listen to this song.

Most recently and what sparked me to write this post was my introduction to Brad Paisley "Anything Like Me". I listen to this song and initially I wondered if Max would be like my husband, Guy. Oiy! From the stories I have heard I will have my hands full. But this song also got me thinking as I interact with Annabelle. When Anna gives me attitude or is 'mean' to me. I feel so terrible because a)she's my baby and b)I now know how my mom felt. I know everyone says that you will understand and appreciate your mom so much better once you become a mom yourself and I have to say that if Anna is anything like me then I need to climb a mountain and shout to the world my apology to my mom. I wasn't, and am still not, the easiest daughter. Mom, if you read this far, I promise to do better. I love you! I realize Anna is like me, and I am more like you than i ever imagined I would be.

I watch TV to escape my life and live vicariously through others. I listen to music to embrace my life and relive special aspects of it on repeat!

stupid people make shopping with kids impossible!

When I was on Mat leave with Anna i often complained about the disrespectful people that would use the elevators when they dont have a stroller or disability. Even more annoying is when a mom takes her brood in the elevator and leaves no room for waiting strollers or wheelchairs. I got so annoyed over the year that I started voicing my beef with people, even getting in a verbal spat with a middle aged woman who was perfectly able to take the escalator. I mean seriously they are stairs that move, you don't even have to move your legs. How lazy are you. Once a woman in her 30's said to me after the 4th elevator passed (that I could not fit in because it was full of able bodied people) that she understood how i felt because she had a baby at home but then she and her husband who appeared to be in great shape, proceeded to enter the elevator. What part of "priority to strollers and wheelchairs" do these people not understand!

okay now that that is out of my system. Here is todays shopping beef! I now understand why priority parking exists for people with small children. Because we need space to romove car seats, strollers, kids, etc from our car. Today I discovered that since I can't let ignorance go unnoticed, I will always carry a pen and paper in my console. today a pen and tim hortons bag worked.

After a few hours shopping, I proceeded to my car to find that the Jack@#$ next to me parked so close I couldn't even walk between the cars, let alone open the door and put in a car seat. (See picture). To make this situation even dumber is the fact that there had to have been no way s/he could have gotten out of the drivers door unless they were abnormally small. the other side of their car had a post and they left about 4 feet of clearance. There was nothing I wanted more than for them to come out so I could give them a piece of my mind but i settled for the following note on their window.

"Thank you for parking so close that I had to leave my infant unattended while I moved my car out so i could put him in. Furthermore there is no way you got out of your car without hitting mine. I have taken down your license and will report any damage. Next time think before you park so stupidly signed: a disgruntled mom"

Maybe I was too harsh but man I am getting sick of ignorant people. For the record I did not leave Max unattended I struggled and put him in the car through the otherside, over the other carseat. Of course this resulted in waking him from his slumber and listening to crying for the next 10 minutes.

But it felt good to give a piece of my mind and it likely won't be the last time I do it.