OMG I am dating again!

Now that I have declared that, I must clarify before the rumour mill starts swirling with stories of my divorce. I am not dating men, I am still happily married. I have come to realize that I am dating moms! Let me Explain.

Last week I had a playdate with a girl that I met last summer. She has a daughter also named Anna and a son the same age as Max. I met her at a playdate thrown by a mutual friend. We became facebook friends not soon after that and have chatted on Facebook ever since. We decided last week to have a playdate with the mutual friend who introduced us and I can honestly say that when we first got together I had that new boyfriend nervous feeling which quickly passed as we engaged in Mom talk. Through this conversation we discovered that I am essentially dating mom's in an attempt to find my momfriend (my play on the word boyfriend)!

A year and a half ago, we moved to a new town which is about 45 minutes from Ottawa. I got pregnant almost immediately and was on Mat leave 9 months after moving here. I have a lot of friends who I love to see. Some are on mat leave themselves or stay at home moms but they live in the city. I make an effort to drive to the city and see them but it becomes an event with 2 kids and it usually means I have to sacrifice naptime as they sleep in the car. Therefore I am doing my best to meet new moms out here in the country. Which brings me to my dating!

My bestest friends from high school and our plethora of kids:

I never really dated boys. I went from one long relationship to my husband. I had a few dates in between but mostly with people who I was already friends with. I am now learning that dating is stressful and time consuming. So in my new dating now, I have traded bars and sporting events for playgrounds, skating rinks, and bookstores. I am on the hunt for someone who I have lots in common with, who has kids the same age as mine, and who doesn't already have their own momfriend. Shouldn't be hard to find right? Wrong! I have met many wonderful moms through Anna's school, At the playground, on my street, At the skating rink, even at Chapters but they either already have their own momfriend, live in the city, have older kids then mine, or we just didn't click on our (play)dates. I even did something I have never done before and gave my contact information to a mom I met at Chapters who is new to the area and lives in a neighbouring town but I am yet to get contacted. It appears I got rejected but I had to take a chance :(

I wonder if I will ever find my momfriend. In the book I am reading right now the mom talks about how she met her best friend while they were on Mat leave and I had my sigh moment as even the character in my book has a momfriend. Now for all reading I want to be sure to state that I enjoy the many friends I have made and will plan many more playdates for the next 5 months before heading back to work. But I think they would all agree, that while we are friends, some closer than others, we are not momfriend and momfriend (boyfriend and girlfriend, haha get it!)

15 lbs too heavy and still happy!

So all my posts have basically been about my kids. This one is ALL ABOUT ME! In my last post, I declared that I would lose 15 lbs! I stand by that and my husband has challenges me. He said that since I wrote it, I needed to do it! So here I go!

In 2005 I successfully completed weight watchers. Its a great program and if you stick to it, it can really work. it took me 3 months or so to lose 20 lbs and I kept it off for several months to become a life member. Unfortunately, I was super extreme and cut out anything with any ounce of badness in it so it was no surprise that I put some weight back on. After having Anna, i successfully did it again so i figure now I should jump on the bandwagon again. With the advice of a good virtual friend, I bought the App IWATCHR for my iphone. It eliminates the need of pen and paper for tracking food and, since I am very familiar with the program already, it eliminates the need to actually join and pay.

Anyways, for the past few weeks, I have really changed my eating habits. I also still go and see my personal trainer once a week which, while not really enough to drop several pounds a week, is enough to help my energy level, strength, and general well being. And let me tell you the effect that treating your body well can have on your mental and physical health.

We are almost through winter and I am yet to get sick! Knock on a million pieces of wood but its true, not even so much as a stuffy nose. My hair is nice and shiny and I feel so energized despite not getting a full nights sleep in almost a year. Despite, having 15 lbs to lose, bags under my eyes, and crazy stretch marks on my stomach, I feel good!

My husband and I were talking about why I haven't gotten sick yet this winter and he asked me if I am stressed and after thinking about it a bit, I said No. You know how they say laughter is the best medicine, well I think kids are the best prevention. Both my kids and my husband have gotten colds and yet I have managed to miss it (although after declaring that I am sure tomorrow I will be down and out). Despite my lack of sleep and the bad mommy days, I don't feel stressed at all. It seems that if I may be getting to my breaking point, Anna says something adorable or Max gives me a cute smile and I am back.

I am not exactly sure where this post is going, but my husband said last night that I needed to make one because he likes reading them. I am going to weigh myself tonight at my personal training session so i will update you next Tuesday after I weigh myself again. My goal is to lose at least 6-9 lbs by the time I go on my trip in February.

The lesson here is eat well, exercise even just a little and avoid stress for a happy healthier you!

I am a good mom!

Raising kids is the hardest thing I have ever done! it is also the most complicated thing I have ever done because everyone does it differently and everyone is sure that they way they are doing it is the right way. It has taken me 3 years to realize this but if kids are happy, safe, and healthy, then they are being raised right, regardless of how.

I have always been hard on myself about my parenting. I would constantly compare my kids development to that of other kids and my parenting to other moms. Anna didn't crawl for 10 months while her friends crawled around 6 or 7 months. I thought for sure it was my fault! I thought I had stalled her development because I didn't play with her enough. Well, I am happy to report that she now crawls and walks, rolls, jumps, runs, counts, sings, colours, says please and thank you and countless other wonderful things that kids her age should do. I am also happy to report that she can play independently by herself and sit through entire movies. Now before you all roll your eyes as me, i am well aware that she has flaws such as was mentioned in my past post and the fact that she takes several trips back to her bed before she goes to sleep. But all in all, I have come to realize that not only did I not break her, I actually made her stronger!

One of my facebook friends posted a link to this article: http://arts.nationalpost.com/2011/01/22/spoiled-vs-spoiled-the-parenting-debate/ and I realized that just because my infants sit in swings and play in exersaucers doesn't mean I am a bad parent and doesn't mean that I am unusual. They will also likely come home to an empty house as teenagers just as I did. The line in this article that really caught my attention was this:

So leaving the tot in another room becomes “unfair.” And once the baby has aged into a walking, talking child, is it any wonder that he’s grown so used to being the bull’s-eye of attention, that any style of parenting other than the kind that permanently hovers...becomes near impossible? The overparenting parent becomes a fait accompli.

My infants played or swung independently while I cooked and baked. My infants sat in carseats when they weren't in the car. My infants slept in cribs from birth. My infants cried as a way to learn to self sooth. And my infants were, and still are, very happy and very independant.

I have also become self conscious about the fact that I keep a house that is unusually clean given that I have 2 children. Much like some people would clean up for company, I have sometimes wanted to clean down so that my house reflects the fun we have in it. I have heard lately several friends make comments about their houses being messy and unkept but their kids being happy and played with. Almost like they feel the need to justify it (which you don't by the way) and they may be surprised to know that as a result they have given me the same feeling for the opposite reason. I have felt like a bad mom for folding laundry while helping Anna with a puzzle, or putting on a movie so i can clean the bathrooms, or teaching Anna that when you are finished you bring your plate to the table if you want dessert. When Anna sees me get out the broom and drops what she is doing so that she can "help mommy" it made me wonder if she thinks the only way she gets to spend time with me is by helping me with chores. It took me some reasoning within myself to realize that she is my daughter, with my genes and maybe she likes to clean. At her daycare they loved her because she was the only one who voluntarily helped clean up (that's my girl). I do something with my kids every day; We usually go on an outing, sometimes we stay home and craft or play with toys but for the record, to all my readers, I do not clean all day!

Anyways, I hope i didn't offend anyone, as that was exactly the point I was trying not to make. That everyone lives and parents different. There is no right or wrong method to parenting as long as kids are happy, healthy and safe.

All in a days work

Lately I have been feeling guilty about wanting to spend time by myself on the weekends or in the evening. I always feel the need to justify wanting to go to the mall on a Saturday for a few hours or go grocery shopping by myself. My husband has never told me I cannot do something but sometimes I think he wonders why I want or need to and that makes me feel guilty. I feel as though I should want to be around my kids all the time and if staying at home with our kids is my job then is it really fair of me to expect him to do my job when he comes home from his. I have thought about this a lot lately.

I think I found my answers in the fact that I have experienced both being a working parent and a stay at home parent. So dad's, pay attention because I am comfortable with saying that these points likely go for most stay at home moms. I have based my opinions on my experience so as to avoid being accused of making assumptions.

When I went to work, I would do my hair, wear makeup, and dress nice everyday and people saw me. As a stay at home mom, I do shower everyday and sometimes I wear jeans instead of jogging pants and get to the blow dryer before my hair has already dried bad but it seems on days when i put effort into my appearance, either nobody sees me or I get puked on before 9am.

When I went to work, I got breaks and lunch where I could completely separate myself from work. If I needed to, I could run out for a coffee whenever I want. As a stay at home mom, my lunch is eating kid friendly food while feeding a baby with a toddler on my lap. When its over I usually have food all over me. I look forward to afternoon naps but it takes half an hour and a lot of effort to get both kids down and there is no guarantee that it will actually happen or for how long. And when it does happen, I spend that time preparing supper, cleaning things up, and/or folding laundry. Also, If I do activities or run errands, I risk missing nap time.

When i went to work I could easily run errands on my lunch. A quick trip to the store, bank, post office, or all three. As a stay at home mom, I avoid errands unless necessary. There is no longer such a thing as a quick trip. Loading and unloading 2 kids from car seats, stroller, diaper bag, purse. then I get into the institution I am visiting for my quick trip and someone needs to pee, or someone craps their pants, or I have to whip out my boob because someone needs to eat. By the time I am done my quick trip, I have been there almost an hour. And I would really have to be desperate to run multiple errands in one trip. One kid out, Two kids out, One kid in, two kids in, One kid out...you get the picture.

When I went to work I had decent conversations with other adults that made me smarter and kept me in tune with whats going on in the world. As a stay at home mom, the majority of my conversations are with a 3 year old who replies "Huh?" to almost every question I ask her. And when she doesn't reply "Huh?" I kind of wish she did because it would save me the trouble of trying to figure out what she is saying to me. As for whats going on in the world, well, I know what Dora has been up to today, does that count?

When I went to work, I had sick/personal days and vacation days. If I was under the weather or didn't sleep that night, I would send my kids to daycare and stay home to rest. As a stay at home mom, that just doesn't exist. Nursing a bad cold? still have to get up at 6am and parent. Kids kept you up all night? Oh well, still have to parent.

When I went to work, I simply got to leave the house. I got to eat out every once in a while. As a stay at home mom I sometimes don't leave the house and when I do it is usually to visit the same child filled places; playground, library, school. Because he goes to work, My husband is out of the house more than he is in and he eats out often enough that he doesn't want to go out at night or on weekends. This I understand, but man what I would give to eat a professional chef made meal that I didn't prepare and that I don't have to clean up after every once in a while.

When I went to work I left my work at 5pm and lived for Fridays. As a stay at home mom, my work never leaves. This is where I have been confused about expectations of husbands. I know my husband works hard and its not that I want him to come home and take over for me or that I think he should, its just that husbands need to understand the monotony of our jobs. When your at work job stresses you out, you come home. that change is often enough to ease tension. Stay at home moms don't have that change.



Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I love having the opportunity to be home with them and watch them grow and learn. I love staying in my PJ's reading books in bed until 9am. I also love having adequate time to prepare good wholesome meals. I love having a clean house and clean laundry and not worrying about doing either task on the weekends. But its tiring. Regardless of how much someone loves their job, a change of pace is always necessary. A change of scenery. A change of company.

In 5 months I go back to work and that is bittersweet. I love both lives. I love having some Independence; some time without a baby on my hip and a toddler pulling on my arm but I also love getting big baby smiles all day and helping someone learn their colours and letters.

So when I say that I need to go to the mall on Saturday sans kids its not because I like being away from them or even that I think being with them is hard work, its simply that I need a change. I need to do something other than puzzles, crafts, and colouring. I need to not forget to take care of me as well as them.

"Mommy Cried for Grandpa Ray"

Almost 4 and a half years ago one of the most important men in my life left me. My dad died while I held his hand and told him that he didn't need to hang on for me anymore.I told him it was ok to go and within minutes I watched him slip away at 1:30am on August 19th 2006. It was the saddest moment of my life. A moment I never thought I would have to live through at 27 years old. Yet it was a moment I would not change for the world and a moment I relive almost daily. My dad had been my hero. He was the kindest, most gentle man. He would do anything for me. On a valentines day when i was nursing a broken heart, He went out and bought me a dozen roses because he said he didn't know how else to make me feel better. I lived with him (just the 2 of us, kind of like roomies)for a couple years before he passed away and its safe to say he was my best friend.

Now I have 2 beautiful children and while my life is full of joy and love and laughter, there is still a hole because they will never know this wonderful man that I can only tell them about. I had the pleasure of seeing him love my dear niece Kayla who was only 2 months old when he died and it gives me a sense of comfort to know how he would have held and loved my kids too. But since he cannot do that I have to do the next best thing for them which is to teach them who he was and how much I love him and how much he loves them from heaven.

Now that Anna is turning 3 and able to understand things a bit more, I have decided to start teaching her about Grandpa Ray. With a picture of my dad and I proudly displayed in our living room, we have the opportunity to visit him frequently. She turned me into a bawling mess when she got up from the table at lunch one day and brought his picture over and said "I have lunch with Grandpa Ray" This was followed by "I hold onto Grandpa Ray" as she hugged the photo. A moment I happily caught on the camera.


This Christmas my children (and me) got the best gift ever from daddy. My husband had told me he got them a special gift but wouldn't tell me what. During our gift opening, I was brought to tears again as I helped Max and Anna open photo books for each of them all about Grandpa Ray. A beautiful book filled with happy memories of my dad and a story to go along with it. At this point in time that book means more to me than it does to them but I am happy they have something so special for when they understand more about who he is. I am grateful for such a thoughtful husband (who even made one for Kayla and mailed it to her) who appreciates how tragic it was for me to lose my dad and wants to help keep his spirit alive for our kids.


So at the age of 3, Anna wants to look at Grandpa Rays book everyday before nap and I, of course, cry. Anna rubs my back and says "Don't cry mommy" and then when daddy comes home she tells him "Mommy cried for Grandpa Ray".

Teaching them about Grandpa Ray may be the hardest thing I do. What I would give for just one more day with him and for them to have the opportunity to learn about him from him.