A Professional Parent?

As a teenager I always wanted to work with kids. I essentially grew up at summer camp and ended up working at one. This, I thought, was my calling. So in 1999, after high school I registered for the Child and Youth Worker diploma program in college. 5 semesters in to a 6 semester program and I was having doubts. I was struggling through a placement where I thought my supervisor was the biggest B**** I had ever met and I had developed a fear that if I spent all day with someone Else's kids I would not want to spend the rest of the time with my own. As we all know, Kids are exhausting! I decided that I would likely not take this career path but at least my three years of school and countless years of experience would make me a perfect, essentially professional, parent. If I could handle children and teenagers with ADD, Autism, FAS, and countless other mental health issues then surely I can handle perfectly normal, healthy babies, toddlers, preschoolers, children, turn teenagers, right? WRONG! I have learned that nothing prepares you for parenting your own offspring! and I am only at the beginning of the preschooler stage!

Everyone told me that the threes were so much worse than the twos. In hindsight, the twos weren't that bad for us but Anna definitely tested my limits and patience. I thought "phewf, I survived!" I had no idea the three's would be an even bigger test of my limits and patience! Yesterday, I sat in the playroom with a cup of tea and lots of tears. I had to cancel a haircut for Anna because while Max and I sat with out coats on at the door, Anna ran around the house in her underwear. This was just one of many "moments" during the day and only one of many "moments" when Anna has refused to go or come anywhere with me. She certainly is a stubborn woman. Hmmmm, I wonder where that comes from?


What brought me to tears yesterday was not her actions because I do know she is only three and just learning how to be her own independant self but rather my inability to deal with the situation without losing my temper. Generally I am good at remaining calm but lately I have been losing my mind with the fact that I cannot reason with a three year old. I am unproud to admit that I have raised my voice so loud she has cried. I have gotten so frustrated with being unable to just talk my way out of any episode with her. I have even stooped to the level of bribery but that, unfortunately, doesn't even work anymore. When It comes to getting out the door, either of our house, preschool, the store, or cheeky monkeys, I either have to play the "ok, I'll leave without you" card, or carry her kicking and screaming. I often feel the eyes burning through my head as I leave her alone in public (safely of course) or carry her screaming body, or yell at her sternly about her behaviour. These issues combined with Max's poor sleeping and my frustration towards him at night make me feel like a bad parent and especially a bad child and youth worker.

Yesterday I finally realized why this was all bothering me so much. I looked at it from the perspective that Dentists should have perfect teeth, Accountants should have perfect finances, Child and Youth Workers should have perfect kids. Then I was reminded that many accountants commit fraud and isn't it always the preachers kid that ends up drunk at a party?! And lets not forget the law-abiding law enforcement officers we hear about. lol.


So I start over. I stop seeing Max and Anna as "clients". I stop trying to fix all of Anna's preschooler behaviours. I stop trying to solve Max's sleep issues. I start going with the flow. I start seeing them as the perfectly normal, healthy children that they are. I start being the loving parent I know I am. I stop trying to be a perfect, professional parent and just be the best mom I can be to my wonderful kids!

Who's Child is this?

So today I had one of my scariest mom moments when I became "that mom" who lost her child in a store. We were happily playing in the childrens area and when I was getting ready to pack up and leave I realized she had left. I had just seen her pushing a stroller around and then she was gone. When I approached a group of staff right outside the entrance to the childrens area I must have appeared inappropriately calm but I was kindof in shock. Anna has always been such a great kid that I couldn't believe she had run away. Everyone within ear shot came running and started looking for her. This made me panic even more as I realized how dangerous this situation could be. Chapters is a HUGE store. When i saw the stroller she had been pushing sitting abandoned in an aisle my heart sank. this is what you see on TV when kids go missing. Then we heard from afar a loud "I found her". My dear friend, Anna's godmother, who I was with had located the rascal running through aisles of books playing her version of hide and seek, also known as lets see how scared my mommy can get before before she finds me. I ran up to her, tears welling up in my eyes and grabbed her in hopes of explaining the impact this situation had on me and all I got was screaming and squirms as she was clearly not finished with the game. I could feel the eyes burning through the back of my head and imagined people thinking that my child is out of control and I am a irresponsible mom.

The exact opposite is in fact true. My child is the most thoughtful, generous, polite, well behaved child I have ever encountered. Now granted, I could have kept a closer eye on her but her track record as a dream child is why I didn't. Pretty much the same reason why I lost my dog so many times, I trusted that he wouldn't run away and then he would. Apparently 3 year old are more like young labs that one would think.

This is the 3rd unproud moment Anna and I have had in a week. Last friday we met some friends at Cheeky Monkeys and all was well until it was time to leave. I ended up carrying her out in a tee-shirt kicking and screaming. This was the first time I actually used the dreaded mom line "I was so embarrased by your behaviour". I then spent the next hour analyzing my parenting and questioning how I handled the situation and how to better handle it when it happens again. Nothing makes you question your parenting more than a tantrum in front of other people.

I realize now that it isn't so much embarrassment as it is sadness. Sadness because people get the wrong impression of Anna and because I have to do some difficult parenting in front of people who may judge both of us. I know that 3 year olds are unpredictable and still kids, regardless of how well behaved they may be. I also know that parenting is not always sunshine and roses and that most moms may look at these situations with understanding rather than judgement. But it still makes me think Who's child is this? I want everyone to see my wonderful little human. Apparently even the most wonderful humans have their flaws and my daughters appears to be her stubbornness when it comes to getting what she wants. Hmmm, I wonder who she gets that from?

Anna and I: