Happy Mothers Day!

Hi Everyone. I hope you all had a great mothers day weekend. I sure did! We worked and played outside in the beautiful weather all weekend.

I promised Guy that Had i been on Facebook still I would have tooted his horn for giving me a wonderful mothers day so I will toot it here.

Friday he came home with a dozen pink roses (from Anna). they were bought as a fundraiser for breast cancer so the money went to a good cause which was an added bonus. (note Guy cooking dinner in the background)

Then While I took the kids swimming Saturday morning he installed my new clothes line (from Him).


Then on Sunday morning I got to sleep in for 2 extra hours and then i came downstairs to a cute card from the kids and a gift card to Lululemon to buy a new coat (from Max).

I have to say that Max has given me the hardest year of My life, so its fitting that his is the best gift of all. LOL.

Thats it thats All!

Are you a bad driver? No I am a parent!

I have always gotten openly annoyed with bad drivers. I hate tailgaters most of all and then there are the plain ignorant drivers who either just slept through drivers ed or are so confident in their skills that they try to multi task to an extreme. Either way, I go insane when in the presence of bad drivers.

Now may I present you with my hypocritical side. Lets take June 6th, 2010 for example. I went in to labour suddenly with my contractions starting at 2 minutes apart. With a 40 minute drive to the hospital ahead of us, my husband flew down the 416. He flashed lights at trucks that where in our way and dodged cars as necessary. I am sure the other cars where cursing him like I would normally be doing but he had no plans on delivering a baby on the side of the highway. Hmmm maybe next time I see such a scene I should consider what the circumstances may be.

Example number 2 of hypocritical me. As a sleep deprived mom, I often forget my head at home. I never drive if I am THAT tired but I have been less than all present driving through Kemptville to runs errands. A few weeks back I got a finger wave and head shake by a clearly annoyed gentlemen because I forgot to signal my turn and he sat waiting. I have been him and I felt terrible. I wanted to jump out of my car and explain myself and apologize. But instead he went on his Merry way thinking I am just a bad driver.

My final example came this past week. During the pouring rain I drove through the grocery store parking lot. I usually consider myself to be a thoughtful driver but when I was in my zone, it never occurred to me to stop and let the family leaving the video store who were standing in the pouring rain while I sat dry in my car cross the way. the light bulb noting my ignorance only came on when the dad looked at me (I saw through my rear view mirror) and shook his head. In this instance I wanted a do-over because to them now I am rude but the fact is I am generally very thoughtful in this matter.

So this is my apology to all drivers who have been the victims of my poor road skills lately. I am not a bad driver, I am just an exhausted parent.

Maybe I should just let Max drive from now on!


P.S - going off facebook is like leaving a party that is in full swing to go home alone. I seriously feel like I am missing a party. Liberating but lonely.

Bringing back the Art of Conversation!

Social Media has taken over our lives and recently I have realized that it has also taken away parts of our lives too. Therefore I have decided to stop using facebook.

Reason 1: The other day I was out with some friends and I realized how annoying it is to have someone check their facebook via smartphone in the middle of conversations. While noticing how annoying this is, i also realized that this is totally something I do. I have gotten to the point where i cannot go anywhere without my phone. A while back I read a blogpost about "mom, put down your damn iphone" or something like that and when i saw Anna breastfeed her child and needed to have her phone in her hand I had my eyes opened up. Surely she thinks that "damn Iphone" is as important to me as her.

Reason 2: When I run into someone from highschool or college or anywhere for that matter I feel like facebook has ruined the art of conversation. We already know everything about eachother right down to how much weight we need to lose. I have started a few conversations by asking "how is...." and realized it was a stupid question because thanks to facebook I already know. I have also wanted to share something about me but it is redundant because thanks to facebook they already know.

Reason 3: I have an addictive personality, a trait that was likely passed on to me by my father, and when I am addicted to something it seems as though I either need all or none. Now before you start sending me AA cards, I am talking more like Chocolate and Facebook. In an attempt to get physically healthier I have been cutting Chocolate out cold turkey so now in an attempt to get mentally healthier I am cutting out facebook. Facebook puts everything out there for everyone, especially if you are me. I started by disabling my wall to try and decrease my sharing. then I cut my friend list in half because I was incapable of not oversharing.

Simply put I appear to be unable to use facebook minimally so I am going to stop. I need to work on the most important relationships I have without the distractions of my overly obsessive curiosity with what everyone is up to. While Max has his evening bottle I am going to read to him instead of search facebook. When Anna wants to do a puzzle I am going to keep my phone in the kitchen instead of my pocket. After the kids go to bed I am going to work on my scrapbooks instead of stare aimlessly at my computer. And while Guy and I are in bed I am going to....Use my iphone to play scrabble with him. :) And when I see someone I am going to Ask "What have you been up to?" and actually be curious!

But I still want to stay in touch with my facebook friends. I am on Linked In for work and I have a twitter account (mostly so i can pretend I am friends with celebrities and reality TV stars) and I still use old fashioned Email, Phone, and Text. And of course I have this blog which I will continue to write in and share photos. So please follow it so that i am actually sharing with someone other than myself.

So there you have it in a nutshell. Guy thinks this is a phase and doesn't think i am serious. Who knows, maybe you'll see me back here later but definitely will be a long while. I will stay live for tomorrow so that I can hopefully get some blog followers but then after that I am shutin' er down for atleast 28 days (they say thats how many days it takes to break a habit, hense 28 days rehab...facebook rehab in my case)

The Million Dollar Family!

Last night I had an epiphany, at least that's what I think its called. After Max woke up in a screaming fit due to most likely constipation, his cold, teething, or a combination of all three I realized that I cannot have another baby and I frankly don`t want one even if it means giving up one more year off from work.

I want to start by bowing down to moms of three or more kids. I am sure at least one of those kids challenged you and I commend you for having the strength to do it.

I have flip flopped on this subject a lot over the past 10 months as Max has been one heck of a challenge but last night was the first time I decided that I was done and believed it. It wasn`t because Max was having another meltdown, it was because I wasn`t able to handle it without losing my mind and sharing a few unchoice words with a small baby who is clearly in distress. When Max finally settled in my arms (seriously, I did not deserve any baby snuggles) I lied awake for hours making a pros and cons list which ultimately led to this decision (I will share the list at the end).

Why do I want three kids was the first question I asked myself. I never wanted three kids. I grew up in a house of 2 and I always said i wanted 2. If you consult my grade 8 yearbook it says I would have 2 kids by the year 2000 or something silly but still it said 2 kids. this all changed when I met my wonderful husband. He comes from a family of 4 kids. He is the only boy and the youngest and they are all very close, despite the physical distance between them. 2 of his sisters have 3 kids and the other has 2. they have an `honorary` sister who also has 3 kids which makes family gatherings chaotic and fun, even if one or two siblings may be missing. On the flip side, my one brother has one child and we don`t really see each other often. I love him of course but sometimes I feel like an only child which is lonely in comparison to my husbands family. When we do get together, family gatherings are small and quiet. I realized last night that I saw happiness in numbers. the more kids, the more fun, the more happiness.

But as much as you can`t buy happiness you also can`t procreate it. Why can`t our family of four be complete. I have very fond memories of my childhood with just one sibling; we fit in a tent trailer perfect, we fit in a 2 bed hotel room perfect and no one had to sleep on the floor, we played 2 on 2 basketball and no one was left out, we drove to school together and no one had to sit in the backseat,(I am sure I could think of more if I was getting more sleep). I had a wonderful relationship with my brother and I believe that Anna and Max will have an equally wonderful relationship. Our job as parents now is to ensure that our wonderful family dynamic carries into their adulthood and then we can have what I thought we needed more kids to have.

I also wanted more kids so that I could experience pregnancy and childbirth again. for the past 10 months that was a big reason why I hung on to wanting three or maybe even four kids even through the ridiculously long sleepless nights. I would see my facebook friends announce pregnancies and new babies and I would get a tinge of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. I would watch a baby story and the birth part of teen mom and cry because it was so beautiful. I will probably still get such feelings but I just have to remind myself of why it is better to give someone else that honor of experiencing such a joyful event.

So there are my pros for having more kids; another year off, childbirth again and a big happy family.
The cons that I came up with are; More Expensive (daycare, sports, programs, vacations, clothes), more sleepless nights which lead to mean mommy to all kids in my presence, need a new car, short a bedroom, more sleepless nights, strain on my marriage, and did I say more Sleepless nights.

A year and half ago we gave away our beloved dog because we were not good doggy parents anymore. I wanted to keep him but I felt like that would have been a selfish decision. He got yelled at a lot because we didn`t have the time to give him the attention he needed so He was always in the way. Last night I caught myself comparing this decision to that one. I want another child to full fill my personal needs which is selfish but in the end I would rather be a great mom to 2 kids then an Ok, sometimes crappy mom to three or more.




So the door to more kids is officially closed...and locked. My husband says we still have the key tucked away for a rainy day considering he won`t let anyone near his unit with a knife or laser or anything. But I think I should make a video of Max and Me at night in case we entertain the subject again.

OMG, did you see what she was wearing?

Today I came across a blog post and I want to share it to all my readers. Read into it what you want but I read it to be mean and the straw that broke this camels back.

So without further ado, here it is. It is a blog post written by the owner of the Extraordinary Baby Shoppe in Ottawa. I have never read her blog before today but I took this opportunity to read a few other things she has posted and well... lets just say I won't become a follower. http://extraordinarybabyshoppe.blogspot.com/2011/03/hello-i-would-like-little-clarification.html

The reason I was angry at this specific post was her choice to refer to parents who diaper their babies in disposable diapers as "parents who don't consider the environmental effect of single-use diapers" and her comment about "If they are going to gripe and moan about the mess they create, they had better be ready to pay for it!". Now if you read this post you will see that she is referring to the City of Ottawa's decision to switch to Bi-weekly garbage collection which is a topic that itself means nothing to me (I don't live in the city) but what I consider a written attack on parents such as myself was enough for me to take my business elsewhere.

As I have said over and over again, I do not like being preached to about how I should parent or do anything for that matter. If someone chooses to cloth diaper then great for them. I did it for a while and it ended up not being for me. My decision to use the extremely popular disposables does not mean that I don't consider the environment. My husband and I conserve energy, recycle A LOT, grow our own veggies, don't idle our cars, and do everything we can for our friend mother nature. To be accused of not being environmentally friendly because I use regular diapers is simply mean. To be accused of anything for any safe and normal parenting decision I make is unnecessary.

Why this blog post bothered me is because it is just another one of those issues that divide parents between the type that do one thing and the type that do another. cloth diapers vs disposables, Breast milk vs formula, homemade food vs jarred, cribs vs co-sleeping, crying vs no crying. I have seen posts and articles supporting one side or the other and while I have seen people very pro-cloth diapers, this was the first time I have ever seen someone actually get nasty in their attempt to sway someone to the other side.

Isn't parenting difficult enough without having to worry about whether or not you are being judged for the perfectly healthy and safe, normal decisions you are making for your children. Now I have to admit I am guilty of doing this myself when it comes to certain things and I plan to work on this because more and more I see things shared through social networking that made me aware that I may be making other people feel the way I feel when someone pushes a parenting style on me or insults mine in a round-a-bout way.

I thought about now going into all the parenting decisions I have made that are debatable but I chose not to because it doesn't matter. The fact is they are my decisions and they are safe, healthy, normal, and guess what, popular. Done and Done!

Sleep Learning

So you all probably want to know how Max's sleep learning is going. I have to say it has been a wonderful experience for me as I am learning so much about myself, Max, and parenting all together. I WISH I HAD READ THIS BOOK SOONER as it's about so much more than just sleeping!

My favorite paragraph in the book so far is this: "There are times in the course of your child's growth and development when he will be attempting to learn an important new skill and he'll feel some frustration in the process of that learning. Take crawling as an example. When children are on the brink of crawling, they often rock back and forth on their hands and knees, trying to get to a toy that's just out of reach. The baby cries and complains out of frustration. what's your first temptation? scoot the toy closer, or course, so he won't have to struggle. But what has he missed if you do this? an opportunity to feel a bit of frustration...which then leads to an idea:'well, maybe if I move my knee a little closer to my hand, I can reach my hand farther.' BINGO! Whether your child is learning to walk, tie a shoe, ride a bike, or do math homework, each time your child struggles, it's going to be tempting to jump in and rescue him. But when you do this, you are actually preventing him from learning for himself what he can do to alleviate his frustration - in other words, learning the skill that will help him grow and develop as a human being."

This was the first time I have ever formally started and followed something through in an attempt to improve anything in my parenting. I always thought I would rather take my chances that I may get to sleep all night or that it would be easier to just get him back to sleep and get what sleep I can get. I didn't realize how worth it it would be to buckle down for a few nights to help us both sleep better and be happier.

So here is how it went:

night one (Monday). Unfortunately this night got off to a bad start as I had to go out for a commitment at the preschool and I am always the one to put Max to bed. So making changes to this bedtime routine was going to be tough. However, Guy put Max into his bed awake, which he is usually OK with, but without mommy there, Max had a meltdown. He was inconsolable for about 40 minutes when he finally fell asleep. Max then got up at 1am. I went in after 5 minutes and checked in on him. of course, seeing me and me not picking him up as I usually do made him very angry. I then did my check in's every 10 minutes until he finally fell asleep 40 minutes later. At my second to last check in, I moved the fan from Anna's room into his for white noise. This may have worked :). I then set my alarm clock for 3am and went in to give him his bottle (5 ounces) but he refused it so I put him back to bed and didn't hear from him again until 7:30am. So to recap: one wake up, 40 minutes of self soothing with lots of tears, no night snack!

night two (Tuesday). Tonight I decided to move his bedtime routine to his room while Anna had special time with daddy in the basement. I read Max some stories, gave him his bottle, and talked to him about what we were going to do tonight. I then put him in his bed WIDE awake. He rolled over and took a few minutes (with no tears) to settle but he was eventually out like a light. I then didn't hear from him until 2:20am. He whined for about 30 minutes but because he wasn't really crying, I didn't check in on him because I know that would have really upset him. I actually even fell back asleep while he was still awake. My alarm then went off at 3am and while I was making his bottle I realized he was still awake. I went back to bed and waited for him to fall back asleep. When i was sure he was asleep I went in and gave him his bottle. He drank it (4 ounces) and went back to his bed until 7:30am. So to recap: one wake up, 40 minutes of self soothing with minimal tears and no check in's, one night snack!

night three (Wednesday). Bedtime routine was same as last night but I could tell he wasn't as happy. When i put him down he protested for about 5 minutes and then rolled over and went to sleep. I messed up tonight. I forgot to set my alarm clock for 3am for his bottle and he slept all the way through until 4am when he wanted it. Unfortunately in order to maintain consistency I had to wait until he fell back asleep before I could give it to him so as to not send him mixed messages. This seemed like forever but was actually only about 10 minutes. However, he was not fully asleep and woke when i entered his room. I gave him the bottle anyways and am desperately hoping I didn't ruin the progress we made so far. So to recap: no wake ups until 4am (bc I was silly and forgot to set my alarm), one night snack! Had I not forgot my alarm we would have had a perfect night on the routine.

night four (Thursday). Bedtime routine was same as last night. When put in his bed, Max protested for a minute or two but then quickly fell asleep. I set my alarm clock for 3am fed Max his 4oz bottle and then didn't hear from him again until 7:30. a perfect night for Max. Now if only Anna had not gotten up twice.

night five (Friday). bedtime routine same as night before with a small protest. I ended up waking up because of Anna and my stuffy nose and I heard that Max was awake. He never cried but I could hear him awake for a while. Max cried a but around 2:30 but quickly fell asleep. I set my alarm for 3am, fed him is 3oz bottle and we both went back to sleep.

I was hoping that I could now tell you that he sleeps through the night. end of story. Unfortunately Max is more complicated than that. He also woke up this morning with a cold and so far, as of 8:30pm tonight, has woken up crying 3 times. Therefore I assume tonight will be a giant step backwards.

But we'll see. Maybe he'll surprise me!

My A-Ha moment!

I have skimmed a few sleep training books since having Anna 3 years ago. I have read what I thought was important and I have taken advice from moms about what worked for them. Now on my second child, I have tried "training" him as I did with Anna. Nothing is working. I have never been in the no-cry camp and I admit that I let Anna Cry it Out (CIO) one night for hours but after trying the CIO approach with Max and it failing I decided that I was not in the CIO camp enough to let him do it over and over again. So I was stuck. I don't want him to cry but I don't want to get up multiple times a night giving in to his demands. I decided to invest my time and money on a book with good reviews.

Now I am aware that sleep "training" is controversial. Dr. Ferber is who he is because millions of people "Ferberize" their kids (a word that I hate because it sounds so institutional considering we are talking about small babies) and equally millions of people don't believe in allowing kids to cry at all for any reason. I sit in the middle. I think a certain amount of crying teaches kids to be tough, independent humans and I think parents can allow kids to cry on a certain level and actually be doing them some good. One thing about me as a person and a mom is I don't like being preached to by anyone who refuses to see the other side and who judges anyone for trying something that millions of people do. I think that all parents should try and do what works for them without being pressured or influences by anyone who strongly believes that their way is the right way.

So that being said, here is "my way" take it or leave it. but I think it sounds like a good balance and am trusting it will work.

Enter the SleepEasy Solution. I bought this book on my kindle last night and can't put it down. In fact it is ironic that I am reading a book to help us all sleep better and I read it until after 11pm last night. So far, this is the best investment I have made and I haven't even really implemented anything yet. But only 3 chapters in and I have had several A-Ha moments, as Oprah would say. What makes this book perfect for me is that it teaches a "Least Cry" method of sleep learning (not training, learning). It notes right off the bat that any change is going to involve frustration and upset on the child's part and that this comes with tears. However it does not promote the Scream it out method that, while usually effective, is somewhat traumatizing on a small child. (Hello, 2 pages in and I want to go smother Anna with hugs for putting her through that).

My first A-ha moment was that no 2 kids are alike, even if they are parented the same by the same people. Max and Anna couldn't be any different in terms of sleep. My husband and I could have a party in Anna's room and she would sleep through it while as soon as Max's door opens, he pops up and looks around.

My second A-ha moment was about falling asleep in one places/position and waking up in another. the example she used is if we fell asleep on the couch and woke up in bed, wouldn't that freak us out. I realized that while we had a consistent bedtime routine, Max was always falling asleep in my arms downstairs. This makes perfect sense to me as I reflected on Anna's naps. Daddy often would fall asleep with her (he likes his naps) but then leave half way through. Anna would then wake up screaming "My Daddy" because he was there when she fell asleep but not what she woke up. A-ha!!!! from tonight on, Max has his evening bottle in his room and will be staying awake until he is in is resting place for the night.

My next A-ha moment was about having distractions in the room/crib. The author talked about how babies will wake slightly and then should be able to fall back asleep (well, that's the goal anyways) but if there is anything that will knock them fully awake then problems arise. Max has 2 stuffed bears in his bed. They sit at the end by his feet yet when he wakes up at night, I usually find him head side down flailing the bears around. Maybe a distraction, maybe not, but those bears are sleeping on the floor tonight.

So far, my final A-ha moment was about feeding early in the morning. I always said that after 5 I would feed him. then that was after 4. and every night it got earlier and earlier. this theory made sense to me but seeing it in writing in a professional book was the kick in the pants I needed to start weaning Max off that feed.

So where do I go from here? tonight I start implementing what I have learned. When Max wakes and cries I will go in, not go too close and calmly tell him I am here, I love him and he needs to go to sleep. I will then leave. If in 5 minutes he is still crying I will go back and tell him again and leave. then 10 minutes I will go in if he is still crying and tell him again. Then I will wait 15 minutes... until he falls asleep. I will not simply close the door and abandon him. I will do this every time he wakes. Then I will set my alarm clock for 3 am and wake him up for a feed. I will feed him 5 ounces (last night he had 6). then put him back. I will then cut this feed down by an ounce every night until its all gone.

The only thing I implemented last night when he got up at 12pm and then again at 2am. I rocked him to sleep both times. At 2am, after I got him to sleep I put him down and went and made his bottle (it was 3am at this point) I then went back, gentle woke him, gave him the bottle and he slept till 7:30!! he hasn't done that in months! I did not give him the bottle as a result of the crying. I hope his little brain registered that :).

The key to this method is to be consistent and only respond to his wake up's with a calm reassurance that I love him but to not touch him or snuggle him and certainly not to feed him. Considering Max could be a poster child for the issues that created this book, I am hoping he will also be a poster child for the success of it. The book says it should take an average of 5 nights to achieve 12 hours of sleep and that the first night may be an hour of crying but that's it. Here's hoping! I will let you know how it plays out at the end of the week!