"Mommy Cried for Grandpa Ray"

Almost 4 and a half years ago one of the most important men in my life left me. My dad died while I held his hand and told him that he didn't need to hang on for me anymore.I told him it was ok to go and within minutes I watched him slip away at 1:30am on August 19th 2006. It was the saddest moment of my life. A moment I never thought I would have to live through at 27 years old. Yet it was a moment I would not change for the world and a moment I relive almost daily. My dad had been my hero. He was the kindest, most gentle man. He would do anything for me. On a valentines day when i was nursing a broken heart, He went out and bought me a dozen roses because he said he didn't know how else to make me feel better. I lived with him (just the 2 of us, kind of like roomies)for a couple years before he passed away and its safe to say he was my best friend.

Now I have 2 beautiful children and while my life is full of joy and love and laughter, there is still a hole because they will never know this wonderful man that I can only tell them about. I had the pleasure of seeing him love my dear niece Kayla who was only 2 months old when he died and it gives me a sense of comfort to know how he would have held and loved my kids too. But since he cannot do that I have to do the next best thing for them which is to teach them who he was and how much I love him and how much he loves them from heaven.

Now that Anna is turning 3 and able to understand things a bit more, I have decided to start teaching her about Grandpa Ray. With a picture of my dad and I proudly displayed in our living room, we have the opportunity to visit him frequently. She turned me into a bawling mess when she got up from the table at lunch one day and brought his picture over and said "I have lunch with Grandpa Ray" This was followed by "I hold onto Grandpa Ray" as she hugged the photo. A moment I happily caught on the camera.


This Christmas my children (and me) got the best gift ever from daddy. My husband had told me he got them a special gift but wouldn't tell me what. During our gift opening, I was brought to tears again as I helped Max and Anna open photo books for each of them all about Grandpa Ray. A beautiful book filled with happy memories of my dad and a story to go along with it. At this point in time that book means more to me than it does to them but I am happy they have something so special for when they understand more about who he is. I am grateful for such a thoughtful husband (who even made one for Kayla and mailed it to her) who appreciates how tragic it was for me to lose my dad and wants to help keep his spirit alive for our kids.


So at the age of 3, Anna wants to look at Grandpa Rays book everyday before nap and I, of course, cry. Anna rubs my back and says "Don't cry mommy" and then when daddy comes home she tells him "Mommy cried for Grandpa Ray".

Teaching them about Grandpa Ray may be the hardest thing I do. What I would give for just one more day with him and for them to have the opportunity to learn about him from him.