I am a good mom!

Raising kids is the hardest thing I have ever done! it is also the most complicated thing I have ever done because everyone does it differently and everyone is sure that they way they are doing it is the right way. It has taken me 3 years to realize this but if kids are happy, safe, and healthy, then they are being raised right, regardless of how.

I have always been hard on myself about my parenting. I would constantly compare my kids development to that of other kids and my parenting to other moms. Anna didn't crawl for 10 months while her friends crawled around 6 or 7 months. I thought for sure it was my fault! I thought I had stalled her development because I didn't play with her enough. Well, I am happy to report that she now crawls and walks, rolls, jumps, runs, counts, sings, colours, says please and thank you and countless other wonderful things that kids her age should do. I am also happy to report that she can play independently by herself and sit through entire movies. Now before you all roll your eyes as me, i am well aware that she has flaws such as was mentioned in my past post and the fact that she takes several trips back to her bed before she goes to sleep. But all in all, I have come to realize that not only did I not break her, I actually made her stronger!

One of my facebook friends posted a link to this article: http://arts.nationalpost.com/2011/01/22/spoiled-vs-spoiled-the-parenting-debate/ and I realized that just because my infants sit in swings and play in exersaucers doesn't mean I am a bad parent and doesn't mean that I am unusual. They will also likely come home to an empty house as teenagers just as I did. The line in this article that really caught my attention was this:

So leaving the tot in another room becomes “unfair.” And once the baby has aged into a walking, talking child, is it any wonder that he’s grown so used to being the bull’s-eye of attention, that any style of parenting other than the kind that permanently hovers...becomes near impossible? The overparenting parent becomes a fait accompli.

My infants played or swung independently while I cooked and baked. My infants sat in carseats when they weren't in the car. My infants slept in cribs from birth. My infants cried as a way to learn to self sooth. And my infants were, and still are, very happy and very independant.

I have also become self conscious about the fact that I keep a house that is unusually clean given that I have 2 children. Much like some people would clean up for company, I have sometimes wanted to clean down so that my house reflects the fun we have in it. I have heard lately several friends make comments about their houses being messy and unkept but their kids being happy and played with. Almost like they feel the need to justify it (which you don't by the way) and they may be surprised to know that as a result they have given me the same feeling for the opposite reason. I have felt like a bad mom for folding laundry while helping Anna with a puzzle, or putting on a movie so i can clean the bathrooms, or teaching Anna that when you are finished you bring your plate to the table if you want dessert. When Anna sees me get out the broom and drops what she is doing so that she can "help mommy" it made me wonder if she thinks the only way she gets to spend time with me is by helping me with chores. It took me some reasoning within myself to realize that she is my daughter, with my genes and maybe she likes to clean. At her daycare they loved her because she was the only one who voluntarily helped clean up (that's my girl). I do something with my kids every day; We usually go on an outing, sometimes we stay home and craft or play with toys but for the record, to all my readers, I do not clean all day!

Anyways, I hope i didn't offend anyone, as that was exactly the point I was trying not to make. That everyone lives and parents different. There is no right or wrong method to parenting as long as kids are happy, healthy and safe.