All in a days work

Lately I have been feeling guilty about wanting to spend time by myself on the weekends or in the evening. I always feel the need to justify wanting to go to the mall on a Saturday for a few hours or go grocery shopping by myself. My husband has never told me I cannot do something but sometimes I think he wonders why I want or need to and that makes me feel guilty. I feel as though I should want to be around my kids all the time and if staying at home with our kids is my job then is it really fair of me to expect him to do my job when he comes home from his. I have thought about this a lot lately.

I think I found my answers in the fact that I have experienced both being a working parent and a stay at home parent. So dad's, pay attention because I am comfortable with saying that these points likely go for most stay at home moms. I have based my opinions on my experience so as to avoid being accused of making assumptions.

When I went to work, I would do my hair, wear makeup, and dress nice everyday and people saw me. As a stay at home mom, I do shower everyday and sometimes I wear jeans instead of jogging pants and get to the blow dryer before my hair has already dried bad but it seems on days when i put effort into my appearance, either nobody sees me or I get puked on before 9am.

When I went to work, I got breaks and lunch where I could completely separate myself from work. If I needed to, I could run out for a coffee whenever I want. As a stay at home mom, my lunch is eating kid friendly food while feeding a baby with a toddler on my lap. When its over I usually have food all over me. I look forward to afternoon naps but it takes half an hour and a lot of effort to get both kids down and there is no guarantee that it will actually happen or for how long. And when it does happen, I spend that time preparing supper, cleaning things up, and/or folding laundry. Also, If I do activities or run errands, I risk missing nap time.

When i went to work I could easily run errands on my lunch. A quick trip to the store, bank, post office, or all three. As a stay at home mom, I avoid errands unless necessary. There is no longer such a thing as a quick trip. Loading and unloading 2 kids from car seats, stroller, diaper bag, purse. then I get into the institution I am visiting for my quick trip and someone needs to pee, or someone craps their pants, or I have to whip out my boob because someone needs to eat. By the time I am done my quick trip, I have been there almost an hour. And I would really have to be desperate to run multiple errands in one trip. One kid out, Two kids out, One kid in, two kids in, One kid out...you get the picture.

When I went to work I had decent conversations with other adults that made me smarter and kept me in tune with whats going on in the world. As a stay at home mom, the majority of my conversations are with a 3 year old who replies "Huh?" to almost every question I ask her. And when she doesn't reply "Huh?" I kind of wish she did because it would save me the trouble of trying to figure out what she is saying to me. As for whats going on in the world, well, I know what Dora has been up to today, does that count?

When I went to work, I had sick/personal days and vacation days. If I was under the weather or didn't sleep that night, I would send my kids to daycare and stay home to rest. As a stay at home mom, that just doesn't exist. Nursing a bad cold? still have to get up at 6am and parent. Kids kept you up all night? Oh well, still have to parent.

When I went to work, I simply got to leave the house. I got to eat out every once in a while. As a stay at home mom I sometimes don't leave the house and when I do it is usually to visit the same child filled places; playground, library, school. Because he goes to work, My husband is out of the house more than he is in and he eats out often enough that he doesn't want to go out at night or on weekends. This I understand, but man what I would give to eat a professional chef made meal that I didn't prepare and that I don't have to clean up after every once in a while.

When I went to work I left my work at 5pm and lived for Fridays. As a stay at home mom, my work never leaves. This is where I have been confused about expectations of husbands. I know my husband works hard and its not that I want him to come home and take over for me or that I think he should, its just that husbands need to understand the monotony of our jobs. When your at work job stresses you out, you come home. that change is often enough to ease tension. Stay at home moms don't have that change.



Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I love having the opportunity to be home with them and watch them grow and learn. I love staying in my PJ's reading books in bed until 9am. I also love having adequate time to prepare good wholesome meals. I love having a clean house and clean laundry and not worrying about doing either task on the weekends. But its tiring. Regardless of how much someone loves their job, a change of pace is always necessary. A change of scenery. A change of company.

In 5 months I go back to work and that is bittersweet. I love both lives. I love having some Independence; some time without a baby on my hip and a toddler pulling on my arm but I also love getting big baby smiles all day and helping someone learn their colours and letters.

So when I say that I need to go to the mall on Saturday sans kids its not because I like being away from them or even that I think being with them is hard work, its simply that I need a change. I need to do something other than puzzles, crafts, and colouring. I need to not forget to take care of me as well as them.