Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A Mothers Worst Nightmare!

We should have built a bungalow! Back in 2003 when I worked for Minto, I stupidly fell down the stairs of our office. when I landed at the bottom everyone panicked and wanted to call 911. i insisted I was fine but man did it ever hurt. In 2005 I stupidly fell down the wood stairs of our barrhaven townhouse. That time I cried like a baby and ended up completely detaching my pinky toenail. So now, in 2010 I fell down our Kemptville house stairs...with Max!

A few weeks ago I rented "The Blind Side". I absolutely loved it and got chills at the concept of protective instinct. I was heartwarmed When Michael put his arm across the airbag so SJ wouldn't get hurt, He truly saw them as family and with family, especially those younger, smaller and more vulnerable you do what you have to do to protect them.

I put this theory to test this morning and am happy to say that I have this thing called protective instinct.

As I was starting down the stairs with Max in tow like I do every morning, I thought to myself 'be careful'. I am always cautious but this morning I remember being overly cautious with each step. About half way down, I stepped too far forward on a step and wiped out. There is a blank in there but I remember after I came to a stop, seeing Max's head flop back, hearing him cry and i realized what had just happened. between the pain and the fear and the shock, I was a screaming, crying mess. Thankful Guy hadn't left for his business trip yet and he quickly came, scooped up Max and at my request, focused on him, rather than me.

I am happy to report that Max came out of this incident without a single bump or bruise. I on the otherhand have one heck of a sore tailbone because my protective instinct didn't let go of Max with either hand and therefore I had nothing to break my fall.

So 2 hours, post fall and I still have the shakes. When I think back to what happened I cry at how much worse this situation could have turned out. the idea of anything happening to your kids is truly a mothers worst nightmare. I think it is a chemical that enters your brain when you have kids that you would do anything to protect them at any cost.

So now I will say goodbye as I go ice my butt because I cannot even bend over and I am a single parent to two for the next three days. Wish me luck!

Friday, August 27, 2010

My dirty little secret...update

So my dirty littlr secret now is that I changed my mind! During my time of having Max on the bottle, I felt the need to tell my story to anyone who would listen. I wanted everyone to know that I wasn't bottle feeding by choice, or so I thought. But I think I was truly busy trying to convince myself that this change was necessary.

This past monday I went on a playdate. I saw nursing moms and bottle feeding moms. While I have nothing against bottle feeding moms, I just didn't feel like I belonged on that side of the fence. I pervertedly stared at the babies nursing with jealousy. that night I checked out Jack Newmans website for treatments of Thrush and again, looked at pictures of nursing babies with jealousy. It was at the moment I decided I wanted to try again. I wasn't ready to give up on something I was meant to do.

2 things made this decision possible, one being that I pumped occasionally and two being that I have abnormally effective boobs for milk production. So on tuesday, Max and I had a nursing vacation. I breastfed and pumped all day to help build up my supply. By wednesday I had enough milk again to feed him exclusively on the breast, by thursday he was so happy he gave me his first giggle and by friday he...are you ready for this... slept through the night!

But what about the problems that led me to quit in the first place? This is where I think every mommy, baby, big sister, and daddy needs an endless amount of patience.

I think one of my big problems was the fact that I never had to teach Anna how to nurse. She was a pro. I didn't have the patience I needed to help Max figure things out. I didn't have the patience to feed Max as often as he needed to be fed. and I didn't have the patience to deal with the terrerfic twos on so little sleep. I have entered this new phase with a different mind set.

Now I am not perfect and I still need sleep, So yes, I will supplement with formula as necessary to accomodate the fact that he is still a very hungry boy. I will also get upset at my two year old when she is pushing limits. but one thing I will not do EVER again is give up on my kids because things got tough.

So, here we go again. Wish me luck!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

my dirty little secret


When I was a new mom with Anna and I would have friends having babies, the subject of feeding would always come up. I would ask if they planned on breastfeeding and would offer my 2 cents if the answer was "I am going to try". My opinion was that everyone can breastfeed. Its tough in the beginning but once you and baby learn how it is simple the best option. At the time I had a dream baby. After a rough 2 weeks in the beginning with cracked nipples and several night feeds, i ended up with a child that would eat while I walked around, would latch on in the dark with no effort and would go 4 hours between feeds. I didn't realize how close minded I was being.

So now, with baby number 2 here, I say that a very important tool for all new moms, and people in general to have, is the ability to have an open mind!

Max and Anna could not be more different and the biggest difference is how they feed. When Max was born he took to the breast right away. My milk came in not 24 hours after he was born and we were off. The beginning was rough but I kept telling myself it gets better. He was eating every hour around the clock. I was tired but I knew the end was near. When 2 weeks passed and he kept eating around the clock, I decided to seek the help of my doctor and a lactation consultant as it didn't seem right that he would need to eat so much. it turned out max had a tongue tie and he had no gusto in his suck. So after my milk would initially pour into his mouth, he would not get much more. His latch was so sensitive that if I so much as sneezed he would fall off. With enough milk to feed an orphanage, this would then mean that both he and I were soaked and he wouldn't want to wrap his little mouth around the waterfall again. We would work at it and then he would fall asleep. I would switch sides but after he was asleep he was done. So that's the end of the feed until an hour later when he woke up and said through his screaming cry "hey, I wasn't done". I needed to supplement with pumped milk in order to get some extra sleep and keep the demand up as his suck wasn't telling my boobs he needed what he actually needed. for the next 3 weeks, every feed was breast, pump, bottle. this would buy me an extra hour before I would do it again. He got his tongue tie snipped at 5 weeks and I hoped for the best but the best didn';t come. I cut out bottles to try and work on his latch and went exclusively to the beast again but at 10 weeks old, in a teary ball on the shower floor after yet another sleepless night, I said I was done! I gave max his next feed out of a bottle and he was happy for almost 4 hours! I realized then that my poor boy was miserable because he was always hungry!

So my dirty little secret is that i now feed my 2.5 month old formula. Yes I admit it! the proof is in the nasty green stinky poop. Now that I do something I secretly crucified other moms for doing, I have learned that having an open mind is a gift. I have no idea why people do what they do so who am I to judge. Society already throws it in my face that breast is best in commercials, magazine ads, on the side of the formula can, and even in infant apparel (note Max's shirt in the picture above) so i don't need anyone else telling me that I am giving my son second best. With this realization, I will never judge someone who decides to feed their child formula for whatever reason as I can only hope people won't judge me.

As a final note, I do wish i was breastfeeding. There are so many positives aside from the milk being the best most natural thing for baby. Formula is expensive and now that every member of my family is registered for the nestle gift I will have to start paying for it eventually, the poop is beyond nasty, and or course it involves preparing and washing bottles. For that I obviously suggest everyone give breastfeeding a good solid effort if they can. But ultimately my open mind says do whats best for your baby and for YOU!

Friday, August 6, 2010

the best things in life are FREE


So I have been telling you about the best products I have tried in my journey as a mom. But this week I have found the best product of all... Motivation!

I always said I was meant to be a working mom. I loved my daughter but I wanted to have my own space too. I have now been off work for 10 weeks and home with Anna for 5of them. I was worried about how this would go, if I would go crazy, if I would end up wanting to sell her to the cheapest bidder but it turns out I have learned a lot about myself and even more about her.

I have learned that I am way more patient with her than I thought. I have learned that I love playing play doh. I have learned that life without Annabelle is boring. I have also learned that I have the most polite, generous, well-mannered, intelligent little girl there is! She is also an amazing big sister. Just this morning I asked her to watch Max while I showered and I came out to see her rubbing his back because "Max Pleure"! (pardon the spelling, she is french, not me! yet another amazing thing about her)

When I passed her the timbits this morning and she gave me a very clear, direct "thank you mom" without me having to ask her, I almost cried with pride. When she takes her garbage to the garbage can without being asked or immediately after being asked, and when she clears her dinner plate to the counter when she is "All done" (said with a shake of the hands), when she shares her toys or returns a toy to a friend who isn't ready to share, when she grabs my face and plants a big kiss on my lips, and now when she says "Mommy I pee" to tell me she has to go to the potty, she makes me smile, makes me so happy, and makes my heart so big it could explode.

I see her develop each day and she amazes me! it makes the sleepless nights, the dirty diapers, the headaches from crying, all worth it.

This product...motivation... is the best product for any mom to have. I see her grow older everyday and it is true when they say they grow up before you know it. She has motivated me to work hard at being the best mom I can be each day and for that I thank her!