I have skimmed a few sleep training books since having Anna 3 years ago. I have read what I thought was important and I have taken advice from moms about what worked for them. Now on my second child, I have tried "training" him as I did with Anna. Nothing is working. I have never been in the no-cry camp and I admit that I let Anna Cry it Out (CIO) one night for hours but after trying the CIO approach with Max and it failing I decided that I was not in the CIO camp enough to let him do it over and over again. So I was stuck. I don't want him to cry but I don't want to get up multiple times a night giving in to his demands. I decided to invest my time and money on a book with good reviews.
Now I am aware that sleep "training" is controversial. Dr. Ferber is who he is because millions of people "Ferberize" their kids (a word that I hate because it sounds so institutional considering we are talking about small babies) and equally millions of people don't believe in allowing kids to cry at all for any reason. I sit in the middle. I think a certain amount of crying teaches kids to be tough, independent humans and I think parents can allow kids to cry on a certain level and actually be doing them some good. One thing about me as a person and a mom is I don't like being preached to by anyone who refuses to see the other side and who judges anyone for trying something that millions of people do. I think that all parents should try and do what works for them without being pressured or influences by anyone who strongly believes that their way is the right way.
So that being said, here is "my way" take it or leave it. but I think it sounds like a good balance and am trusting it will work.
Enter the SleepEasy Solution. I bought this book on my kindle last night and can't put it down. In fact it is ironic that I am reading a book to help us all sleep better and I read it until after 11pm last night. So far, this is the best investment I have made and I haven't even really implemented anything yet. But only 3 chapters in and I have had several A-Ha moments, as Oprah would say. What makes this book perfect for me is that it teaches a "Least Cry" method of sleep learning (not training, learning). It notes right off the bat that any change is going to involve frustration and upset on the child's part and that this comes with tears. However it does not promote the Scream it out method that, while usually effective, is somewhat traumatizing on a small child. (Hello, 2 pages in and I want to go smother Anna with hugs for putting her through that).
My first A-ha moment was that no 2 kids are alike, even if they are parented the same by the same people. Max and Anna couldn't be any different in terms of sleep. My husband and I could have a party in Anna's room and she would sleep through it while as soon as Max's door opens, he pops up and looks around.
My second A-ha moment was about falling asleep in one places/position and waking up in another. the example she used is if we fell asleep on the couch and woke up in bed, wouldn't that freak us out. I realized that while we had a consistent bedtime routine, Max was always falling asleep in my arms downstairs. This makes perfect sense to me as I reflected on Anna's naps. Daddy often would fall asleep with her (he likes his naps) but then leave half way through. Anna would then wake up screaming "My Daddy" because he was there when she fell asleep but not what she woke up. A-ha!!!! from tonight on, Max has his evening bottle in his room and will be staying awake until he is in is resting place for the night.
My next A-ha moment was about having distractions in the room/crib. The author talked about how babies will wake slightly and then should be able to fall back asleep (well, that's the goal anyways) but if there is anything that will knock them fully awake then problems arise. Max has 2 stuffed bears in his bed. They sit at the end by his feet yet when he wakes up at night, I usually find him head side down flailing the bears around. Maybe a distraction, maybe not, but those bears are sleeping on the floor tonight.
So far, my final A-ha moment was about feeding early in the morning. I always said that after 5 I would feed him. then that was after 4. and every night it got earlier and earlier. this theory made sense to me but seeing it in writing in a professional book was the kick in the pants I needed to start weaning Max off that feed.
So where do I go from here? tonight I start implementing what I have learned. When Max wakes and cries I will go in, not go too close and calmly tell him I am here, I love him and he needs to go to sleep. I will then leave. If in 5 minutes he is still crying I will go back and tell him again and leave. then 10 minutes I will go in if he is still crying and tell him again. Then I will wait 15 minutes... until he falls asleep. I will not simply close the door and abandon him. I will do this every time he wakes. Then I will set my alarm clock for 3 am and wake him up for a feed. I will feed him 5 ounces (last night he had 6). then put him back. I will then cut this feed down by an ounce every night until its all gone.
The only thing I implemented last night when he got up at 12pm and then again at 2am. I rocked him to sleep both times. At 2am, after I got him to sleep I put him down and went and made his bottle (it was 3am at this point) I then went back, gentle woke him, gave him the bottle and he slept till 7:30!! he hasn't done that in months! I did not give him the bottle as a result of the crying. I hope his little brain registered that :).
The key to this method is to be consistent and only respond to his wake up's with a calm reassurance that I love him but to not touch him or snuggle him and certainly not to feed him. Considering Max could be a poster child for the issues that created this book, I am hoping he will also be a poster child for the success of it. The book says it should take an average of 5 nights to achieve 12 hours of sleep and that the first night may be an hour of crying but that's it. Here's hoping! I will let you know how it plays out at the end of the week!
Love it!
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