Today I did something that 5 years ago I never thought I would ever have to do. I pulled poop out of my sons bum! Yup, its true, pulled his legs up to his chest, massaged his abdomen and slowly pulled a turd out of his bum. Why did I do this you may ask? Because He is my son, I love him, and he was uncomfortable. Even sadder is that this was not the first time I have ever done this. Last year my 2 year old, crawled in to her bed before bath (naked) and appeared as though she was going to sleep until I looked closer and what I thought was sleepy eyes was actually squinting, trying to poop eyes. I turned her over and saw a log that was at least the diameter of a loonie stuck in her bum. This was when i learned the art of massaging poop out of a bum. I had success and a very happy girl.
So why am I sharing all this information? Because its important for all people who plan on having kids to realize that with kids, comes poop and barf and many other gross things that without kids, you would never come in contact with. I remember an incident that occurred years before having kids in which my Sister in law was staying with us and her youngest who was about 18 months at the time was very constipated. So constipated that she was getting sick. Sparing you of details, I will just say that it ended with her pooping, barfing, and peeing all at the same time all over her mom and my brand new beige couch. As a person who loves kids, especially my family, I was not even close to mad but I was naive into thinking this would never be something I would ever have to deal with.
A few months ago, on my anniversary, to be exact, I posted on Facebook that I was covered in baby barf and it smelled awful. A lovely old college friend suggested I change my shirt. I laughed. With 2 very pukey kids, I was very use to being covered in baby barf. So use to it that I only wore "good" clothes if I was going to see people and said "good" clothes were actually clothes that I didn't care if I ruined and definitely not anything that required hand washing. Hand wash only clothes were considered as sacred as a wedding dress to only be worn to something as special as my own wedding.
With baby M now in his 9th month (seriously, I know), I am happy to finally be moving to a less barfy life. However, today's incident reminded me that Just because that stage has passed a new gross one will start. With solid food comes constipation; With potty trained kids, comes bum wiping; With cold weather comes snot; With teething comes drool, with inevitable illness comes diarrhea and real people barf. And lets not forget with diapers and squirmy babies comes pee and poo.
With children comes never ending access to someone else's bodily fluids. Yahhhh!
